Early Money Story
Growing up my parents were loving, generous, friendly and hospitable with extensive charitable qualities, however their income was very limited. They had no other choice so we lived with limited means, which meant no extra curricular kid activities. We had love, but little money.
Even though they never told us we were poor or that I could not have what I desired, I deducted that I couldn’t have what I wanted. My young mind made up a story that I didn’t deserve anything. Given my painfully shy personality, socially awkward disposition and limited speech I never asked for anything. I developed a limiting belief that I wasn’t important enough to have nice things. This led me to develop a pattern of denying myself anything of luxury or of high value.
Fast forward to my twenties and as a result of my limiting belief, I found myself shopping to fill a void as an adult, and experienced an exhilarated sense of love and nurture when I purchased something, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I NEEDED OR COULD AFFORD IT. Only to land in shame and guilt later on.
Emptiness and and void filled my heart, even though my closets were stuffed with stuff. When I looked around at my accumulated stuff taking over and piling up in my apartment, I would inwardly respond with self-criticism, by once again denying myself of what I wanted. IT WAS EXHAUSTING!
I was determined to end this cycle. I felt sick of my endless shopping binges the highs and lows, the in and outs, the back and forth all of it took enormous amounts of energy, time, effort and money. So for over the next ten years, I read tons of books by well-known money gurus, experimented with tips and tools I got from the internet, took many financial classes, got certified as a money professional, attended a myriad of money workshops and tried “FIXING” my shopping issue by purchasing new clothes, shoes and stuff to help me feel better however it masked the real issue. It was all topical behavior that never got to the root of the issue.
Over time I still experienced a repetitive pendulum swing, going from feeling good to feeling bad. I realized it would be impossible to heal and be set free from this issue, unless I looked at my early story, the one I made up as a child.
My initial breakthrough began when I took a 13-week Crown Financial Ministries class. The lessons taught me that God’s word had a lot to say about money and that HE KNEW MY MONEY STORY. That was great news! It also taught me how to be a good manager, how to handle money God’s way, and that He owned it all. I enjoyed the class and became a Biblical Money Facilitator and went on to be one their Coaches to help others on the journey. The class changed my heart.
Since I am an avid learner of personal growth, I learned the practical way of handling money by Dave Ramsey of Financial Peace University. The class practical methods, clear guidance with a biblical framework was what I needed to create a more comprehensive framework. I enjoyed the teachings and became a Ramsey Financial Small Group Facilitator and Master Coach, co-led many classes and taught the practical strategy of handling money God’s way, the ins and outs of money preparedness, how to be savvy with money and how to create wealth and bless others with extreme generosity.
Although I learned how to be a good steward, how to create a solid strategic plan of how to save, spend and give money, I unconsciously still wrestled with my old money drivers. Honestly, I felt like a rat on a wheel when I was stressed and used shopping to cope, aka “Retail Therapy”. It was my way of coping with unpleasant feelings and emotions. We all use something or someone to deal with our hidden behavior drivers.
Sick and tired of the emotional roller coaster, I relented and finally decided that I needed to look under the hood of my life.
I continued the learning journey and took Continuing Education Units, CEU’s in Financial Certification courses and passed challenging exams such as Financial Capability, Education and Training, Financial Counseling, Financial Management, Prevention and Intervention Foreclosure mitigation strategies, Fair Housing, Predatory Lending and CFBP Scam Prevention, Freddie Mac Credit Smart FICO, and a plethora of other mortgage lending, housing and credit trainings. I trained under and worked with State, National and Local Government agencies, Financial Consumer Protection Groups and grassroots organizations. These groups were instrumental and investigated and solved egregious financial atrocities against marginalized Citizens, Local officials, private firms and other Retail establishments who engaged and practiced financial inequity. This type of effort had truly become my purpose passion and a fuel for my professional existence.
Even as I learned high level strategies, and gained new purpose and passion, I still used bouts of shopping therapy to cope with negative feelings. There was something underneath that drove my behavior which still needed my attention. It was like the red light on the dashboard, something needed to be fixed. So I sought to look under the hood of my triggered behavior and worked with a Certified Somatic Money Coach. Since her background was in somatic work, she helped me gently look under the hood of my life which exposed my early money story. It was buried deep, the shame, the hurt, the fear, the guilt and all the other feelings that was covered over nicely with awards, honors and titles. The hard soul work I did with my safe Coach led me to victory, and led to welcomed emotions that left me ugly crying, but BEAUTIFULLY VULNERABLE.
Only after that deep dive, did I fully understand what was driving my impulsive money spending habits. I was amazed at how empowered and free I felt, no longer a prisoner to my past. The release of my pent up frozen emotions, like a dam broke loose and I truly gave up the Ghost. Given my quest to learn more and go deeper, I hired a Level 3 Internal Family Systems Therapist who helped me and taught me the model and its benefits. All of which complimented my money journey and brought me full circle in a comprehensive way.
What I learned and how I grew exposed and led me to a profound experience of self revelation, compassion, kindness, and acceptance, all of which helped me to discover an internal connection to my early money story and so much more. This led to my true transformation. Now, I want to share and help others on their healing journey.
WE ALL HAVE EARLY MONEY STORIES THAT FOLLOWS US AROUND UNTIL WE DEAL WITH IT!
To help clients transform their lives in a more comprehensive way, I continue to learn more practical and theoretical knowledge in a variety of other disciplines. To help clients shift faster and go further, I integrate a variety of complementary methods which brings a unique spin during coaching sessions. This integrative, yet compassionate method helps me to guide clients to look at their money story in a more creative and playful way. I’m currently learning brain based Finance courses which helps me guide clients to find their deeper brain based behavior drivers, get to the root of their money challenges sooner to evoke greater self awareness. Some of my complementary learning includes courses such as Consumer Neuroeconomics and Nueromarketing, Behavioral Economics, Financial Psychology, Financial Therapy, Narrative Coaching, Emotional and Positive Intelligence, Internal Family Systems and Somatic Coaching. As a person my goal is to continue to grow, learn more, do my own work and offer clients practices that work and that I am currently practicing myself. These brain based courses adds more depth to my current practice and helps clients gain a wider understanding of how various mindsets work to subconsciously influence their money thoughts, emotions, feelings and ultimately change their behaviors. As Dave Ramsey says, ” Personal Finance is 80% behavior and only 20 % head knowledge”. MONEY IS NOT THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL AND NOT JUST ABOUT MATH. As a lifestyle transformer and life long learner, I will never stop learning since it helps me GROW and more effectively guide clients to truly live the life and money transformation they truly want to become their best self.
When I stopped living as a reactive victim of my early money story, I began making empowered money decisions that was aligned with my greater life vision and values.
During my journey, I gained deep biblical understanding that money was a fierce competitor for my heart and was simply a tool that God allows me to manage. As I developed greater insight about money's purpose I became more self-aware of my early money story and transformed my story to become my greatest Ally. To create new habits that positively served me, I set up automated money rituals, routines, rhythms and rewards, coupled with systems and structure. All of which created a lifestyle habit transformation and yielded lasting changes.
I changed my story, let me help you change yours~
Key Lessons Learned
- Lasting transformation with money begins with knowing how to handle money God’s way.
- Compassionately understanding your money behavior drivers along with self-acceptance opens the flood gates to real lasting change.
- If you don’t heal your money story first, then no other topical strategy or class will transform your money relationship.
This money journey is a very personal journey that I’ve had the privilege to share and which led me to many “aha moments”. As a Guide, I gently lift the fog by getting curious so your natural creative, resourceful and whole self comes alive.
When we heal our “early” money story we get to write a new “better” story and that story can become sustainable for a lifetime so you can leave, launch and leave generational legacy.